Bill pulled the door closed behind him, stood on the porch and lit a cigarette. One cigarette a day was all he smoked anymore. He wore a t-shirt and some shorts, the latter being too short and the former too long. His hair stood up on both sides and flat in the middle. The beginnings of a beard grew on his face. Bill thought he might shave soon but was in no hurry. He stepped down off the porch and onto the driveway. The mailbox loomed at the bottom, welcoming and exciting him. Bill had been a writer, once, in that he wrote a few things and sent them off to various publications. One had been accepted, and when the check came in the mail it was the single most thrilling experience of his life.
He dumped some ash onto the driveway and continued down. Mrs. Greyson, the widow next door, stood up from her garden, stretched her back and waved.
“Hello, Bill.”
“Hello, Mrs. Greyson. Beautiful day.”
“How’s your mom?”
“Stronger every day.”
She smiled. “That’s good.”
He nodded and returned the smile, then resumed his walk to the mailbox. His mother was sick, dying in fact. He had moved in with her five years previous. Everyone assumed he was a good son and taking responsibility for her. The truth is he was broke, and his mother had simply lasted a lot longer than expected.
Some kids across the street sat on their bikes and stared at him. He knew they laughed at him. A middle-aged man who’s best part of the day was checking the mail and smoking a cigarette while looking like he just woke up, shit he’d laugh too. But they didn’t know the pure joy of being paid for creating a story. He hadn’t actually written anything since he moved in with his mother, longer than that even, but there were a few stories he’d sent out that never got rejections so he figured it was still theoretically possible a magazine could publish one of them.
At the curb, he flicked the butt into the gutter where it floated away toward the sewer. Bill opened the mailbox. There was an electric bill, some coupons and a gardening magazine his mother liked. A last envelope caught his eye. It was hand addressed to him. He tore it open. The letter said:
You are cordially invited to attend the Santa Barbara writer’s seminar.
Bill’s heart leaped. He fought the urge to run over to the kids on their bikes and show them his invitation. What would he lecture about? Oh, he could talk about craft to the students but there would be plenty of that. He’d focus on the disappointments and dealing with rejection, because when somebody recognizes you and your work it’s the best feeling on earth and all the rejection in the world just can’ t compare. He excitedly kept reading.
Come learn from masters of their craft. The cost is only $350 per person.
Bill laughed, laughed so hard his eyes began watering. He dropped the letter into the gutter where the water slowly pulled it away from him. He kept laughing. The kids’ eyes grew wider and Mrs. Greyson asked if he was alright. He waved a hand at them. Once the fit had left him he reached into his pocket and pulled out another cigarette. He would have two today, so what? He lit it and breathed in. His mother would probably die soon and then at least he’d own a house. Not everybody could say that. Maybe then he could even start writing again. He exhaled and a cloud of smoke rose up, swirled around and faded away in the sky.
Grow Up by Ben Brooks
Grade: B
Jasper J Wolf is detached, horny, disenchanted and distrustful of authority figures. He also does a lot of drugs, drinks and smokes. In short, he’s an updated, shallow, British Holden Caulfield. Don’t worry, author Ben Brooks saves us from having to figure that out on our own. In the second to last chapter of the book, just in case we’re incredibly dense, Jasper says “I am Holden Caulfield, only less reckless, and more attractive. “ As Jasper’s gearing up for his end of the year exams, he’s trying to prove his stepfather is a murderer, avoid any responsibility in regards to having possibly impregnated a chubby girl, have sex with his dream girl, and maybe even pass those tests. Other stuff is going on too, namely a possibly suicidal friend that he attempts to console.
The problem here is that this book never feels like a story. It just feels like a group of semi-likeable, at best, people are meandering from one place to another, getting high, drunk, laid, etc. That’s not always a bad thing, hell Bukowski made a pretty good career out of the same thing, but there just didn’t ever seem like much of a point. Jasper’s detached voice, the book is in first person, works sometimes, but most of the time it’s just too mechanical. It’s hard to believe that this kid could be the way it is and still be highly functional, especially to the point of pretty regularly having sex. Though to be fair, the sex he does have is either while incredibly inebriated and once he borderline rapes a girl. To be honest, as I was reading it I figured Jasper was autistic, or had aspergers. The bottom line is that this kid is way too socially awkward for the action of this book to be believable. I was that fucking kid for Christ’s sake. Trust me, kids like Jasper don’t just walk into sex in high school. We fight tooth and nail for every nipple and handjob we get until college. The old high school loser in me gets a little offended at these kind of stories.
One other minor thing I had a problem with is the fact that Jasper seems infinitely smarter than every adult in this novel. I hate that. Teenagers are dumb, all of them. Adults are always smarter than them. Always. Teenagers always think they’re smarter and that can work well in fiction, as long as it’s clear that it’s only in the kid’s mind that he’s smarter when in fact we, the reader, know that he’s full of shit. Ben Brooks seems to want us to think that Jasper is actually smarter than all the adults around him. This isn’t a deal breaker, but it does annoy me.
I’ve said an awful lot of negative things about this book, I realize that. Some might be wondering why then would I give it a B? Mostly because it’s funny. This book had me laughing through most of it. You can open randomly to almost any page and find something pretty hilarious. Watch, I’ll do it now (you’ll just have to believe I’m actually opening the book randomly right now). Page 41: “I stand up. There is blood on and in the immediate vicinity of my penis. This is the most disgusting I have felt ever in my life. Ever. The immediate future will only prove at all bearable, provided Abby Hall remains sleeping. Plump Abby Hall with her obnoxious breasts and acne.” I don’t know if everyone will necessarily find that funny, but I do. And it pretty much perfectly sums up the character of Jasper. He’s crude and selfish, but he’s pretty articulate about it, which I guess works as enough of a redeemable trait to make him enjoyable enough to hang out with for a few hundred pages.
Final thoughts: This is a quick read, so I would definitely recommend it for that reason. It aims to be something profound and I feel it fails, but it’s entertaining and you’ll get a couple good laughs and a couple good cringes out of it. If you like crass humor, designer drugs and teenage sex (come on, who doesn’t?) then you should have a good time with this.
Hello
Welcome to my blog. Though I don’t know what brought you here, maybe you are a fan of literature, or you love reading about other people’s opinions on movies, or you’re just really bad at searching for internet porn, either way I will do my best to make your stay enjoyable.
I’ll be writing a lot about books, reviewing them mostly, because I feel I’ve got a decent amount to say about them. I’m a bookseller and a struggling writer, so clearly I’m full of rage and jealousy at anybody more successful than myself. Which is pretty much everybody. But mostly, I truly do love to read books and I hope you find my thoughts on them worth your while, even if you disagree with me. I’ll be reviewing mostly fiction, mainly of the literary variety but my no means exclusively, and I’ll also be sneaking in some of my own stuff now and again just to make me feel like I’m doing something productive with my life.
I’ll also be reviewing movies here. I tend to be a harsh critic, but I can’t stand people who assume that just because a movie is “mainstream Hollywood” it must be artistically bankrupt. There will be reviews of Indy flicks as well as the big studio pictures. Hell, I might even throw in a couple Jennifer Aniston Rom-Com’s just because it’s my blog, and I can.
Now here’s something I feel is important. I won’t only be writing about new releases. Whatever I happen to be reading or watching at the time, I will write about. A lot of this will be new releases because that’s the nature of the beast, but I will not limit myself to it. I might pop in a review of Taxi Driver at some point if the mood strikes me. It’s also worth pointing out that because I am a bookseller, sometimes I’ll get an advanced copy of a book and have a chance to read it before it comes out. When this happens, I will include a release date in the title of the post so it’s clear that you can’t run out to your local independent bookstore (see what I did there?) and purchase it.
Finally, there will be some musings on this site too. I’ll share ideas, opinions, neuroticisms, and soul crippling fears from time to time. Oh, and there will be some sports related material too. Though not often.
So that’s the introduction to my blog. Hopefully you’ll come back. Though who am I kidding. Nobody’s reading this particular post. Except my girlfriend, who is awesome.
Some Damn Fool's Thoughts 